The Positive Effects of Arguing in Front of Kids

Seeing parents argue is a terrible (even traumatizing) thing for the children. It can lead to various negative attitudes in children; ranging from anxiety to self-destruction. It is emotionally damaging to the kids to be exposed in an environment where marital disagreement abound. It doesn't take an expert to point out all the negative things it can lead to. However, arguing in front of your kids can bring in a positive effect too.

The argument being tackled here is exclusive to the verbal form sans the physical violence. I doubt if physical aggressiveness of the husband to the wife and vise versa will bring any good effect to the kids. It is an extremely low form of marital dispute.

My siblings and I witnessed about ninety percent of the heated arguments my parents had. Most of the time, we were repulsed by it, naturally. There are times though that we just took them all in stride.

Our aunts would often tell our mom that all the fighting will be harmful to us and might leave an irremediable damage. I never doubted my aunts statements. I always thought that it would. Now that my siblings and I are older, I can't help but pinpoint those marital fights we saw as the reason for some of our positive behaviors. 

Sibling Revelry

The best positive effect from seeing our parents fight is how much our (siblings and I) bond was strengthened. Kids will take comfort in each other while their parents are fighting. They will become each others strength. They will look out after each other and take care of each others needs.

Reality Check

Seeing your parents fight is a precursor to certain eventualities. The children will become aware that life is really not a bed of roses all the time. They will be more prepared for when other people will give them a hard time - which is inevitable - someday. They will develop their own way of coping up with stressors. 

The Good Change

It's innate in all of us that when we experience or see some bad act, we would immediately do a promise to ourselves to never ever do it; especially if it brought a lot of heartache.  When kids see their parents argue, they will not say, "cool! I'm gonna do that someday!". Of course, it is the other way around. The kids will try hard to change whatever bad experiences they had when they become parents themselves. 

How parents resolve the fight is what brings in a lot of positive effect on kids. If it is handled well and ends in a good way, the kids will learn how to compromise. It is important to explain to our kids why we fight and what we are fighting about. 

It still depends on the nature of the fight. If you're fighting about skills or getting a divorce, it's best to go about that out of earshot. 
Children see their parents as the ultimate role models of every thing good. Seeing them fight contradicts all those daily teachings that parents give about "fighting is bad"; but, conflicts, arguments, debate, or whatever you want to call it, are all unavoidable. 

Arguing away from your kids is still best. If you get that occasional slip, you have to follow it up with a good explanation. Remember, we are the ones who created the problem but our kids are the ones who get affected the most. We owe them that much.

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