What would you do if some
self-righteous critic comes up to you and starts making thou-shalt-not comments
about your mommy skills? Would you:
a. Do the Five Point Palm
Exploding Heart Technique on the critic while your other hand is getting
manicured?
b. Thank the critic for pointing
out what should be done, hug her then carefully pluck a strand of hair and give
it to your mangkukulam (necromancer)
BFF?
c. Shout “crucify her” at the top
of your lungs?
d. All of the above
Mothers are notoriously sensitive
when they are being criticized for the way they are raising their children. It
is something that doesn’t sit well with moms.
When it comes to our children, we
do things with the best intentions (zero risk and perfect outcome). But in spite of, we constantly question our
actions and worry if we are indeed doing the best for the people we love most
in life. We have so many fears and doubts about our own mommy skills that being
castigated for one makes us feel like a terrible mom, and no mom would ever
want to be viewed as one.
No mother is spared from
criticism. We get it from our own moms, our mothers-in-law, or our annoying we-are-the-perfect-parents
neighbors whose kids have the strongest inclination of becoming the next
Unabomber.
I got criticized by some random
stranger at a mall for not having “the right kind of baby carrier”. She made a
thorough lecture about the benefits of the baby carrier she apparently used.
Only one question popped in my mind that time – Are we close?
What should you do when you are
being criticized?
Keep Mum and Listen
While you’re being criticized for
whatever, hold your tongue. Too much emotion can result to bad reaction. Just
listen to what the critic is saying. He/she could be saying something of vital
importance. If not, just keep quiet and watch the critic make a fool of
himself/herself.
Assessment
After all your loathing has
subsided, assess what was being criticized about your mommy skills. Is the
criticism valid or justified? Does the critic have a good motive or is he/she
just an irritating meddler? There are some people who criticize with the best
interest for both you and your child. Assess which critic belongs to that
category.
Acceptance and Self-Improvement
If there is validity to the
criticism, then we should begin the hard journey to acceptance. Acceptance is
the first (and critical) step to self-improvement. Think about the ways in
which you can improve your mommy skills further. Our goal is to give our child
the best care possible, right? Improving ourselves will give them just that. Accept
also that there are just some people who think high of themselves just because
they can put on a diaper five seconds less than you can.
If the critic’s claim is false,
then rejoice in the knowledge that you are not like him/her. We cannot control
what others think of us. We can only control the way we think of ourselves and
of others.
Parenting styles vary, that’s why
criticism exists. One’s ways and beliefs are different from another. But
despite that, respect and the Golden Rule should supersede one’s thinking. You
are entitled to your own beliefs, but you don’t have to be an Equus africanus asinus
about it.
We have a lot of theories about
parenting, but that’s just what they are - theories. If one mommy skill has
been proven to be superior (faultless and holy) amongst all, then it would have
been turned into a universal law a long time ago.
When your job description
includes “educating a generation”, the pressure to make everything right is
enormously high. Like what I stated above, as long as we do things with the
best intention possible and do not do things that are way beyond what’s right
and necessary (physical, emotional, sexual, verbal abuse), then I guess, we are
a-okay.
*Guest post for glamomamas.com
Onward and Upward!
Twitter: @themommist
Facebook: The Mommist
Photo Credit: ugo.com Parenting
0 comments :
Post a Comment
Comments are very much appreciated! Thank you!